Date: 6/13/2003 9:53:00 PM
From Authorid: 4231
babe.I'm a an 18 year old guy..I mean I dunno what he is doing is trying to make you jelious because you had the "upper" had when you had the guy friend..he was jelious..all he wants to do now is "show you up" kinda...I dunno I would tell him it shoudl be even (If you cant see opposite sexy friends, neither can he) and (If he can, then you can) Understand..'m 18 this is just how i seee it  |
Date: 6/13/2003 9:56:00 PM
From Authorid: 53900
OK first if he told you he thinks she is hot that is a huge problem cause he is out on a date with her....I mean if he had said she was nice or she was sweet I would say ok no problem she can be your friend second it sounds like he is defenitely interested in more then just friendship with her why else would he cancel a date with you to be with her? If I was you I would give him an ultimatum and tell him you are not comfortable with teh relationship he has with her and that you would prefer he limits his contact with her at ealst to the point where they are not alone together  |
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Date: 6/13/2003 9:58:00 PM
From Authorid: 53900
that should be *at least^^^^^ |
Date: 6/13/2003 10:00:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 51744
See and that is what I kinda told him Luv, That I was not confortable. And he just said would you rather me do it with or without you knowing. He also said that he does not have any friends. That is a big lie. He has more friends than I do. We did split for a while cuz he cheated on me. I am the one trying to make it work now he is just hurting me I dont get men. Thanks for your reply Josh, its nice to see it from a mans point of view. But I still really dont understand the whole thing. Is he trying to hurt me?? Ugh I hate this. I hate crying...  |
Date: 6/13/2003 10:01:00 PM
From Authorid: 55536
I would suggest that IF they are just friends then she should come over for dinner and see what kind of reaction you get. If he says NO way then you have a pretty good idea what is going on. Same would go for your friend. If it is just friends then they should be welcome when the spouse is around  |
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Date: 6/13/2003 10:02:00 PM
From Authorid: 55536
He cheated once already and you ttok him back and now it sounds like he wants a double standardn - he can have female friends but you can't have male friends and he wants the door open for round 2 of bed hopping. |
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Date: 6/13/2003 10:02:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 51744
With my friend, he has wanted to come around I want my husband to meet him. But he says that he is unconfortable cuz I had been with him. But My friend (Jason) and I where friends long before we got together and have been friend long after that. I dont get this!!!! GRRRRRR |
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Date: 6/13/2003 10:03:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 51744
My husband will feel unconfortable that is... |
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Date: 6/13/2003 10:04:00 PM
From Authorid: 55536
Poor baby (he won't be comfortable) -- honey get a really gooood lawyer |
Date: 6/13/2003 10:05:00 PM
From Authorid: 20750
I think it's a play for I'll show you up! But what he doesn't realize is the message he is sending her! This could get nasty! If she figures out he is just using her to get even with you & trying to make you jealous! What I would do, this is just my personal opinion, is tell your friend my husband has issues with us & our past & it's causing us problems, so I will say see ya later for a while! Show your husband you love him the most & no one else means as much to you as him! He probably will drop his female friend, yet she might get mad about this & try to cause problems! Your husband is opening a can of worms he should never have opened! Good luck!  |
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Date: 6/13/2003 10:05:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 51744
LOL Lady Lee, that is a good way to put cheating. Bed hopping I am going to have to remember that. Then he told me that I am not attractive anymore tonight. I am getting the feeling that he just wants to stay with me cuz he is in love with the idea of being in a marriage. And not in love with me. I mean I have done my bad things but I have never cheated on him and would never think of it. And they where not bad enough for him to cheat on me or treat me this way. UGHHHHH I dont get it... |
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Date: 6/13/2003 10:10:00 PM
From Authorid: 55536
Giggler he already cheated once and you forgave him and now he is telling you this stuff. This isn't love. And you don't deserve to be treated this way. No matter what you have done in the past he wants you to do all the sacrifice while he goes out to play with the girls I don't think so. The door is wide open sweetee. Show him where it is. Either shape up and work on the marriage - including counseling or there is the dorr. |
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Date: 6/13/2003 10:12:00 PM
From Authorid: 20750
He's already cheated once?? Gawd! Let him go! You deserve better! Once a cheater always a cheater! I'm sorry! |
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Date: 6/13/2003 10:16:00 PM
From Authorid: 53900
He told you you are not attractive and he told you he thinks she is hot? That should tell you right there what he wants and it is not friendship at least not in the way he is trying to say he wants friendship...he obviously wants a friend with benefits if you know what I mean. The decision is yours to make but I would not tolerate that for a second. I know how bad it must hurt to have to deal with this I have been through it more then once but you have to make him see that what he is doing is not right. I cant really say what I think about what he has said on here due to the g-rating but it is really messed up. I hpe you can get through this though good luck and if you need someone to talk to message me |
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Date: 6/13/2003 10:23:00 PM
From Authorid: 20750
I agree with Jessica! |
Date: 6/13/2003 10:29:00 PM
From Authorid: 31765
Oh boy there's way bigger things going on here besides having friends outside the marriage. First, in an already unstable relationship, other elements (meaning people) need to be removed. Usually you would concentrate on the marriage and not complicate things by adding other people. In a trusting, stable relationship, he wouldn't worry about your guy friend, you wouldn't worry about his female friend. In his case, he's done it once. So the possibility is there that he will do it again. He may be using this other woman as revenge. Childish, to put it lightly. Him saying you aren't attractive anymore is also childish. And almost sounds like he making a justification for something he may (or may not) be doing. I'd say trust your gut. One thing you said really resonates too. That *you* are trying to make it work. Hon, you can't do that by yourself. He has to work just as hard as you. If not, no matter what you do is going to be enough. There's an old saying: It takes two to make it, and two to break it. I know you're upset. But when you start thinking clearly, really give the whole situation some thought. The entire situation, not just this one event. I have my fingers crossed for you.  |
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Date: 6/13/2003 10:38:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 51744
Thanks MoonGirl And Lady...I dont understand these games. He said that he wanted to be friends with one other girl once before but he droped her quick for some reason. Or maybe she droped him. I dont know. And to make this whole situation worse she is a co worker of his and all the people on his "crew" know me and know that he is married. UGH I dont understand. I wish he would come home. Well in one way I do but in another I dont. UGh I am so confused!!! |
Date: 6/13/2003 10:58:00 PM
From Authorid: 21203
Let me ask you....Is this man you are married to - is HE your BEST friend? Answer to yourself.....MOST likely you have your answer on what to do. Are YOU his best friend, dont ask him....can YOU answer for him? Lots to think about. I DID marry my best friend, and YES I do know its mutual. Good luck to you. No one deserves to get hurt! Take care of YOU.  |
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Date: 6/13/2003 11:04:00 PM ( From Author )
From Authorid: 51744
See that is another thing that bothers me about him I am not a woman I am not his friend I am his WIFE. That is it. |
Date: 6/13/2003 11:45:00 PM
From Authorid: 53558
He has done it once and he will do it again, The Giggler. Let him go. You will be better off without him. Great big hugs. Take care.  |
Date: 6/14/2003 12:23:00 AM
From Authorid: 46530
on your last comment giggler. You Are a woman, you're saupposed to be his friend, and being his wife is simply a piece of paper and a metal band. Thats what it boils down to when these things go wrong.  |
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Date: 6/14/2003 12:26:00 AM
From Authorid: 46530
If he has cheated before, and you don't trust him completely then you never will again, no matter what you or he do. Similarly if he disrespcts you enough not to call you to let you know what is happening or keep arrangements with you that have been made then it shows he is not interested in you as a relationship. Gte back in contact with your old friend and explain to him what has happened and start looking for another place, you needn't be a doormat to your exhusband for much longer |
Date: 6/14/2003 5:28:00 AM
From Authorid: 22852
Well all I can say is this, if it smells bad it is bad..Looks to me like he is cheating and trying to make you think you are crazy and making you feel guilty about what He is doing. You have 3 choices.. 1.) Leave him.. 2.) work out the marriage and 3.) stay married for convience and you each live your life, you get a boyfriend and he has his girlfriend. Thats all I can say.  |
Date: 6/14/2003 7:10:00 AM
From Authorid: 35825
Okay..where do I begin..I agree with Moon Girl that he is just trying to show you up. He made it very obvious that he is jealous of your guy friend, but he doesn't "see" that the situation is totally different. Your guy friend is over seas, PLUS, you've known him for 10 years!! How long has he known this girl? To me, he's just trying to make you jealous, sort of like,"Let's see how she likes it." I understand that you and your friend might have had a thing in the past, but that's in the past...don't end your friendship with him. It's good to have both girl and guy friends, but not if you're just trying to make the other jealous.  |
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Date: 6/14/2003 7:11:00 AM
From Authorid: 35825
Oh man...he's cheated?!?! Not good...don't let him step all over your heart again. |
Date: 6/14/2003 7:39:00 AM
From Authorid: 49037
Wow, that sounds really similar to my husband and me. We we were first dating, this girl that he knew got a job where he works. I knew that they had been together in the past, and he had basically gotten the job for her, before he and I met. I was furious that he would be seeing her all the time, and everytime I would get mad about it, he would get mad at me for critisizing her, saying that he was friends with her before. Just the idea of him seeing someone he had thought was cute and had done stuff with drove me crazy. I knew I was overreacting, so I tried to not think about it. I also asked him not to talk to her unless it was work related, and he agreed, but I'm afraid that he just said that to get me to shut up. But recently, I was able to talk to an ex of mine that I was good friends with for a while. My husband got so jealous, even though he wouldn't admit it. He started saying things like, "Oh, don't you have to talk to your boyfriend?", really sarcastically. The guy called me ONCE, because we haven't talked in over a year, and my husband was furious the whole time. So, to make my husband feel better, I stopped talking to my friend for the time being. A lot of couples would be fine having friends of the opposite sex, but my husband and I are both way too jealous for that to work. But it has to go both ways- I couldn't keep my guy friend after telling him to not talk to that girl. I don't think it's right for your husband to be out having drinks with another woman in any case, but especailly after you stopped seeing your male friend for him! It seems to me he thinks it's okay for him to do it, but not for you. I think you need to put a stop to that right now. Maybe I'm not the best person to give advice about this sort of thing, since I have a lot of jealousy issues, but I do know how you feel.  |
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Date: 6/14/2003 7:45:00 AM
From Authorid: 49037
Okay, now I've read the other comments, and it seems much worse than my situation. If he already cheated on you in the past, and is telling you things like you're not attractive, it seems like he's trying to make you feel bad about yourself, so you'll think you can't do any better than him. Then you'll stay with him, and he can get away with his crap. Basically, he wants everything. Don't let his mind games hurt you. If he doesn't care about your feelings and if he's hurting you... loose him. that's not a marriage. |
Date: 6/14/2003 8:10:00 AM
From Authorid: 33925
You know..NOONE and I mean NOONE should tell you who to choose for a friend, whether they are male or female should mean nothing..If your husband is secure in his love for you and your love for him he should not feel threatened by anyone you choose to befriend..Saying that..I am kind of going through the same thing right now..I have this guy friend at work..we are great friends..while my husband feels a bit insecure around him, we DO hang out together..I have noticed though that my husband keeps a real close eye on my friend and I together..LOL..  |
Date: 6/14/2003 1:47:00 PM
From Authorid: 30051
I think it is VERY inappropriate for your husband to hang out with another woman like that. I ould never let that go on in my marriage. My husband would never do anything like that though. I can't believe he thinks that that's okay. Very sad!  |
Date: 6/14/2003 5:05:00 PM
From Authorid: 53052
well it sounds like he felt threatened and a way to "get back" at you for being with another person in the past was to get with someone now.. what is completely wrong... it's not your fault you were with someone before him.. you could be with 1,000 guys before him and it should not matter one bit!!!... he is wrong to ask you to give up a good friend because you once had a thing with him... it sounds like he doesn't trust you... and you don't really trust him... i think it's wrong he's out on a date with another girl.. when he's supose to be happily married... he should be out on a date wineing and dining you... have you two thought of bringing the romance back into yoru marriage?  |
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Date: 6/14/2003 5:09:00 PM
From Authorid: 53052
if he has cheated in the past and this seems very shady towards me... why make yourself suffer through this... ask yourself... do you WANT to be with him?? do you WANT to work it out... does HE want to work this out?? being married and having a mistress on the side may have passed 100 years ago... but not in modern times.... |
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Date: 6/14/2003 5:13:00 PM
From Authorid: 53052
if he looks at you as JUST an item... with a title... he sees you as "wife" not mother not friend not(put your name in here) not as an independant person.... then you MIGHT want to evaluate how much you want to save this relationship or if you even want to.... it almost sounds like it's not worth saving sadly enough |
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Date: 6/14/2003 5:18:00 PM
From Authorid: 53052
after reading through all the replies it almost sounds like he is trying to lower your self confidence and belittle you to such a point where you lose your spine and just cave into his demands and just be submissive to him.. to make you have Very low self esteem by saying the things he does... don't put up with it.... stand up for yourself it's ok to leave the relationship... because it doesn't sound like much of a relationship at all... |
